One of the worst Fish and Chips I’ve ever had.

On The Road With Dan I Cook:  The Square Grouper in Fort Pierce FL.

I’ve heard many good things about the Square Grouper in Jupiter, Fl, so I was excited to hear they opened one in Fort Pierce. My wife and I decided to check it out on a beautiful weekend while visiting her parents in Port St. Lucie. Parking is a breeze, but the place was packed when we showed up. This bar/restaurant is brand new and it looks fantastic.

We walk up to the entrance and are greeted by two…what I would call… bouncers. I can’t say they were hosts because they asked to search my backpack. They told me they never had anyone bring in a backpack so to be safe they wanted to look inside. This left me a little puzzled. Are they afraid of a terrorist attack?  Me smuggling in booze or a small square grouper? I didn’t ask them and they didn’t  explain why they wanted to search it. I really didn’t care because I just had my wallet and some cigars inside so I said, “Search away”. After getting the green light from check point Charlie (LOL), the bouncers then asked if we have ever been to a Square Grouper before? My reply was, “No”. The dude says, “This is how it works here…there are no servers. All your drinks and food have to be ordered from the bar.”. I thought to myself….that’s weird. A counter service tiki bar/restaurant? WTF is that! We say thanks and walk in.

Beautiful view.

My wife and I find an open table and have a seat. I go to the bar and order us a few drinks and get two menus. Drinks and menus in hand, I return to the table and chill. I do mean chill, folks, because the vibe and location of this place is chillville…Beach sand at your feet and a great view of the Fort Pierce Inlet. There was live music playing which just added to the relaxed vibe. I proceed to light up a cigar, but be warned you can only smoke at the outside tables. No smoking at the bar…which doesn’t make sense because it’s outside and open.

WTF is this? Way over cooked!

The Food

I order the Fish and Chips. The fish is listed as grouper and I’m pretty excited about that. I just love grouper! I walk up to the bar and place my order and they give me a square buzzing gadget that will vibrate when my food is done. My food is done and I pick it up. I start looking at it, and a confused look comes over my face. This isn’t Fish and Chips, this is fish nuggets/fingers and chips! Anyone who has eaten Fish and Chips knows the fish portion is usually a fillet or loin of fish. This is pathetic. As I dig into this, my wife can tell I’m getting pissed. The portion sucks and the fish is way over cooked. Some of the fish was fried so long it looked and tasted like the batter. I maybe had two fish nuggets that were cooked decent where I could see the damn fish. I told my wife this is garbage and that I’m going to talk to the manager. My wife is like oh boy here we go. LOL.

I met the manager who was a pleasant dude. I told him that this wasn’t fish and chips…it was fish nuggets. I showed him the overcooked fish and he said he would take it off the check. I looked this dude right in the eyes and said, “I didn’t come up here to get a free meal.”.  He was very professional and said, “Well, if you don’t like you shouldn’t have to pay for it.”.  I agreed with him but said, “Don’t take it off my check because I just wanted you to know that this dish sucked.”.  I took nothing for free. I said to make sure he tells the cooks that, too. The manager was a little surprised and said “OK”. I left the basket of food on the bar and walked away. I’m sure that manager will never forget me…LOL. Shortly thereafter we paid our bill and left.

Again, what a great view!

Verdict

I’m conflicted with typing this review for a few reasons. One is I have only been here once and second is the place is relatively new. I really don’t like eating at places that are new. I prefer they work out the kinks before I eat there. But, if I am going to have clout, I need to type the truth. Truth is I don’t like the whole counter service issue. I don’t like that they searched my backpack and I sure the hell don’t like the Fish Nuggets/Fingers and Chips. If went here again, I would only sit at the bar, drink my Miller Lites, and not eat….the ambiance and live music alone is a major draw for why you should stop by. For ambiance this place gets 4 Beers. For everything else 1 Beer. Stay Hungry!

Four beers = Outstanding
Three beers = Good
Two beers = OK
One beer = Needs work
Zero beers= Sucks (No beer is never a good thing.)

The Square Grouper

1920 Seaway Drive

Fort Pierce, Fl. 34949